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It’s been a holy fuck day...a day where suddenly a lifetime of unease shifts into focus and a crumbling of a veil allows me to see clearly what I’ve never seen before.

A sequence of events that felt excruciating, painful and nauseating has left be with a sense of utter clarity.

When what you think you know crumbles in front of your eyes and what is real suddenly jumps out. Today was a lifetime of ...baggage being literally thrown over board all in one go, and although fucking painful I now feel like I understand the weight I’ve been carrying.

Sometimes the layers shift slowly, gradually peeling away, and sometimes it takes one event for a whole ton of layers to release. When this happens I feel raw and vulnerable, I sob, I scream, I feel rage, I go through every emotion I’ve locked away and then calmness prevails.

When it first happened to me it was such a shock it took me weeks to recover, the second time it took days and now it takes a day and some breathing.

But I know as I feel the pain, the hurt and the anguish I know, I trust, that on the other side there is light, there is love and there is freedom.

And I promise myself as I go to bed, that even though I feel raw I’m not going to put the barriers up again, instead I’ll move forwards into a place where I live my true self, unguarded and free.

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