Yesterday was a day of deep learning, of deep emotion and what felt like storms rolling through my body. I went form wanting to cry to wanting to scream to laughing and back again over and over again.
The predominant emotion though was fear, a fear of the unknown, a fear of not knowing what to do next.
As I let these emotions roll through me I allowed myself to feel every part of them, I ranted, I raged, and then I broke, as I wrote in my post yesterday though, I'm good, the fact that I can allow myself the time to feel this rather than suppress and tell myself I shouldn't feel this is amazing, the fact that I feel it all is even more exhilarating even if it feels like torture all at the same time, as there was a time where I was numb and I felt nothing.
The fact that my amazing husband just allowed me to go through it, supporting me but not questioning it made me feel blessed and my beautiful friends that's support me allowed me to feel held.
As I woke today I realised the storms were passing and the air was clearing, as I look back the last week has been a pressure cooker building inside and the storms were definitely needed. But what I realise the most is I'd lost the connection to trust.
The simplest most effective thought I have is that I am supported and that I know it will be ok, I just have to trust. But its so easy to get caught up in the planning, and need to control.
From the narrative of others asking about what's going to happen when? To my own need to feel in control of everything its easy to think if you don't have a plan then its all going to turn to ashes.
But as I always say, we never really know what's around the corner, and actually the best thing we can do is trust.
So I slipped down to the oak tree this morning and opened my practice with big heart opening breathes drawing the energy of the universe in and reminding myself to trust her, as she always has the answer.
As I breathed and moved I found myself back to my truth, back to what I want from my life and the fear starting to subside.
Its so easy to get caught into the narrative of others, and the narrative of the norm, and when you want to step outside the box its hard to envisage anyone coming with you. But if its your alignment it will open up, it always does.
Trust is one of the hardest things to do, but its the most important thing for us to achieve, as if we don't trust we spend our lives trying to control every small thing, and getting stressed when it doesn't happen. Yesterday were the storms that needed to roll through me to clear this fear that has sat deep within, its not gone totally but the pressure has definitely faded and the truth is starting to be shown.
So my practice this week is about trust, trust that I will be held, trust that we are all held, and trust that the truth will show me the way.
Have a beautiful week wild ones.