I’m writing this whilst laying on my sofa with the fire going and unable to do much, the only thing that works is my fingers and I need to get this out of my head.
This past few months have taught me so much, and I know will continue to teach me, but one thing I’ve realised and am coming to accept is my ability to move through this earth is different to others.
I don’t speak about it much, and maybe I should, mainly because I don’t want a pity party and I like to stay up beat, and this is NOT a pity party, this is just my truth.
When the coronavirus arrived I realised suddenly that I needed to accept I had an illness, that the thing is been “battling” “ignoring” “pushing aside” the big part of me that helped me find this beautiful practice that I then denied as I didn’t want to be seen as different or for people to feel sorry for me or worry unduly and tell me “I couldn’t do” that’s my biggest annoyance when people tell me “I can’t or shouldn’t be doing” I know it’s from love but still, let me do what I can when I can!
Anyway I digress, for all those reasons I ignore it, I have controlled it for years through diet and lifestyle management, but since I became a mother, that all has slipped and so I’m here laying on the sofa unable to move.
But when the coronavirus arrived I realised if I didn’t acknowledge I was ill, I would put myself more at risk, my illness means I don’t fight viruses very well, so my body certainly won’t enjoy the coronavirus! And so I closed the studio earlier than some, and I won’t be opening up as quickly as others.
But in acknowledging this “differences” I had to then accept, and that’s been my journey for the past few months, accepting I move through this world at a different speed, needing more rest, not able to do as much, and basically being more inwards.
In this I know as we start to unlock I will do less than I was doing before, I will protect my spoons of energy with more importance than I have been and I will find my way. It won’t look the same as it did.
I’ve found some beautiful resources to finally help me understand the art of “doing all I want in business” whilst having a chronic illness, And for anyone who wants them I can send them your way.
But most of all I’ve found acceptance, I am not the same as everyone else, none of us are, I can not compare my output to someone without a child and without an illness that’s an unfair comparison and I will never feel good if I do that.
I’m curious to know, what have you accepted in this time of slowing? What have you realised you were fighting or ignoring but are now facing up to it and accepting?