This conversation came up in the last moon circle I held, about how showing up for ourselves, setting boundaries around certain times to do things for us, and doing it regularly is HARD!
Gabby Bernstein calls it “the work”, she’s says if she doesn’t show up daily for “the work” then her energy and her mood slip, but to show up is “work” and so that’s how she remembers to do it.
Steven Fry spoke about how lots of people start to write and book and then give up when they think “this is hard! I’m obviously not cut out to be a writer!” but he says that if we all just understood writing was hard, that would be sorted and we could just then get on and write!
And I’m here to tell you that showing up for yourself is also hard, and it never gets easy. It may become slightly easier, but it’s never easy. And everyone who does show up for themselves is also having the same struggle, every woman that is at the yoga class you want to go to has had to basically persuade, nudge, force and even shove herself onto the mat to be there.
Most have had to really be strong with boundaries around their time and space, even locking the door to stop the kids pouring in or blocking out a chunk in their calendar so them or others can’t book a meeting in.
When we look out to see others “doing the work” it’s easy to think we’ll they find it easy and as it’s so hard for me It must not be right for me.
In the self care world we talk about hard sometimes as it being wrong, it becomes another reason not to do something because it feels hard, a brilliant excuse to spiritually bypass the challenge. But life isn’t about getting to the point where nothing is hard, hard is always a part of life, it’s just working out what’s the right hard to be doing.
Recently I’ve spoken to a lot of women who have said they haven’t been able to do their practice and it’s really affected them, and in the second breath as they say it out loud they realise it’s because they’re not being boundaries enough around their own time. Giving way to others wants and putting themselves last.
Showing up for a zoom session seems easier to wiggle out of, than physically going to class, even though it takes less time and commitment than driving to a class we seem to let it slide more.
This is where we have to be honest with ourselves and ask why are we less boundaried when we need it more??
I’m sorry to say it never becomes easy, we can all so easily slip back and let the boundaries fall if we don’t practice the work. But I have found knowing that it is hard has in fact made it easier for me to over come that first barrier, I know it’s going to be hard so the fact that it is now no longer puts me off or stops me.
I hope this helps you too.