I am glad to say I feel I am starting to regain some energy and life back into my body, this last 10 days has been a real lesson in unravelling the next layer of stories that I had unconsciously wrapped around myself over the many years.
Every time I find myself in a flare of illness is a chance for me to see something that's been lurking under the surface, its a chance for me to really feel whats next to shed and a new chapter to look at. I've learnt that these moments of total discomfort are the biggest teachers and I no longer fear them but know that I will always come out the other side with a little more knowledge than I had before about myself, spirit and what life is really all about.
I keep coming back to the theme of 'slowing' but this has been and I'm sure will be my biggest lesson from illness. I am a type A driven person with a soul that longs to be still. This is my constant dichotomy and why my practice is so important, if I don't practice I spiral out of control towards the doing and my souls voice gets lost along the way. Sometimes though my illness struggles no matter how much practice I don and I'm forced to not only slow, but stop. It's in the times of deep rest and stopping that i realise there's an even slower pace than what I already know. And it's in that super slow world that I find my truth, and the answers to all I'm searching for start to come through.
My illness is my guide, it's my force to slowing, but I know many people don't have that and continue to keep pushing and in doing so miss the most beautiful moments, miss the whispers.
You may be rolling your eyes and saying, but I literally don't have time to slow, and I'm going to be totally honest with you, that was me once, until one day I got a head ache at work and my life changed on a sixpence, I still if unchecked can find myself saying that, I can't have a sit down, I've got......to do. But when your body gives way and suddenly you are forced to stop its amazing how much time opens up. Things can be done later, other things become not important and the process of breathing become the pure focus.
I am not saying this from a place of the unknown, I built a business of 15 years working full on; to one day realising that everything I thought was a priority wasn't really, that all the things I put first, were actually the external circle and not my inner circle, that our job is NOT our life, and that our ego doesn't always have the right answer.
As I right this I know that some of you work every hour possible, I know that finances are a huge reason for this, but I also know that you wouldn't be part of this if your soul didn't also call for something else.
It may not be slowing, it may changing, pivoting or re-prioritising.
But a thought for you this week, what are you putting at the top of your list that when it comes down to it is frankly BS, what things are you actively placing before your own well-being? What are you still blocking your path to alignment with that could be changed?
Some of these things change overnight, some will take a few years to implement, but all can be achieved if we change our focus.
I'm saying this with deep love, from someone who woke up one day and had to change her life, who at the time didn't believe she could and who it took many years to finally do, but I did it, and although I'm not 100% well all the time I'm one hell of a lot happier and all those things I told myself would happen, didn't come true, because when you really do listen to the whispers and follow your heart even the biggest mountains become small hills when its aligned to what you really want from this life.