I'm currently doing some coaching work that's causing me to delve deeply into my journey and where I am right now. Last week I had a big breakthrough with the question:
Are you showing up as yourself 100% of the time?
This seems a silly question on the surface, the easy answer is yes, of course I am. How can you not? But when you dig deeper the truth is, you can easily or habitually hide parts of yourself from the light. We are programmed as humans to 'fit in' and if we've been cast out or suffered trauma from being rejected this need to match others is even greater.
I knew there were some places I still hid parts of me, the obvious places that I thought was where I'd need to focus my work, the big gatherings of social friends, the certain family gatherings and maybe even on social media. The places where I wasn't immediately surrounded by my tribe, the places where I felt the most judged.
But when I delved deeper into this question I found that it was more in the subtle choices of the day that I also wasn't showing up as me, from the clothes I chose to wear, to the food I was eating, even down to do I wear my malas on the outside of my t-shirt or hidden underneath!
What I then realised is that if i worked on the small choices, as they added up they would make my 100%, and by focusing on the small choices it felt a little less overwhelming but also I knew it was about changing though patterns built into me since year 8 at school.
Why is this important? Because when we don't show up as ourselves, when we sensor ourselves or dim our light its exhausting, its draining vital energy reserves that we could use to, live! But if that's not enough for us to break the barriers we have formed, the other reason is, by dimming our light we don't allow ourselves to be seen by the people that do actually get us, the people that will make a difference to our life.
As I write that last sentence my mind jumps to, but if you're allowing yourself to be seen the very people that you're worried about judging you can also see you! The thing is, they're either already judging you, so you have nothing to loose or they don't care enough to even notice. And what I've found is what actually happens is the people i was most worried about judging me, turn up and say, I feel that way too...because they've also been hiding!
So if I ask you, are you showing up 100% as you 100% of the time, what answer would I get?
Is there tiny pockets that you still dim your light, r massive swathes of life that you put on a mask for? And what are the small subtle changes you can start by making to help you find your whole self 100% of the whole time?