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Slowing but still living

I’m a doer, some might call me a type A driven human who gets on, that why I right and practice so much rest and breath and movement, I deeply understand the guilt of slowing but I also understand the fear....”what if I miss living”. I used to fit ten days into one, I used to work 18 hour days 7 days a week and just keep going. I’d pride myself on this doing.

But when I sold my business to get healthy I started the process of slowing, unraveling my “doing” and consciously listening.

Recently though becoming a mother and the uncomfortable beauty that places has pushed me back into the doing mind, the I can do it all, If I slow I won’t get it all done, I must do.

Because it was in me for so long it’s how I sought comfort and I just replaced the working with doing motherhood, the ego was rewarded but the “you’re nailing motherhood”, “look at all you do it’s brilliant”, “I wish I could do all that” but the souls was screaming YOU’RE NOT LISTENING.

Slowing enough to hear the whispers is my mantra and it’s something I have to really pull on, I can slow down and think “yes I’m there” but then something makes me slow down even more and I realised I was no where near.

This last week I’ve slowed so much that I’ve started to hear the whispers, not of my soul, I was hearing them already whilst we’ve been in lockdown, my soul is singing her tune now. But of my body, of what my body is actually requiring, of what is TOO much, of when I need to sit, of when I need to eat, the basic requirements of my body I can hear them now.

And slowing hasn’t caused me to stop living, I’ve been the best mother by slowing because I’ve finally be present. I’ve sat and watched her play and smiled when she looked up, rather than been engrossed in the doing, I’ve made homemade flour and sat napped whilst she napped, I’ve smelt the lavender as I brushed past it on the door step and watched the sunset.

When I sold my business we chose a more present health focussed, stress-less life.

So I now say to the fear, you can still live if you fact I’d argue that you live MORE.


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