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There’s no light without the darkness

Trigger warning : this is about the loss of a pet xx

Seven years ago today one of the hardest moments in my life to that point happened.

I woke up early, stirring for no reason and unable to get back to sleep. I lay and dosed but didn’t get up, more annoyed than anything that I was exhausted it was my morning off but sleep was eluding me.

Then as the day started to begin, my phone rings, it’s the yard, the girls had just arrived to find my pony not looking good. I knew in my gut that this wasn’t good, and flew out of the house....oh how I wish I’d got up when I woke!

As I drive the 5 minutes to the yard I rang the vet, they needed to get there ASAP, they diverted one of their vets who was closest and she arrived as quickly as she could.

I arrived and the rest is a blur, his stomach had exploded in the night (probably when I was torn from my sleep, looking back I knew that way him). I said goodbye, in shock and at a total loss.

I was 29 he’d been in my life since I was 11years old I hadn’t known adult life without him.

As I sat with his head in my lap I heard the words “it’s time” I wasn’t spiritual, I wasn’t religious, at that point I didn’t understand “signs” and “the universe” I was busy, exhausted and stressed.

These words were so clear though, I knew they were his message, he knew it was time for me to move on. It would take 3 more years for me to finally make the leap, but that was where the journey to where I am now began.

Since then I’ve said goodbye to a few more 4 legged soul mates and it never gets easier but each has left me a message.....guidance of some sort. In the end they are the keepers of our secrets, they probably know us better than we know ourselves, and they know when it’s time.

Today I’ve reflected on all that’s happened since, but also on all I’ve learnt. Every cell of me wishes he was still here to see it all, but I know he sees it anyway, I also know that he gave me permission to let go, and for that I’m eternally grateful for.

Remember there is no light without darkness, no happiness without sadness, feeling it is part of living it and if you’re in the dark place now, there will be things you’ll look back on and see we’re signs and lessons, just right now they may not make sense.



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