One thing I've learnt through this first year of motherhood, and also many years of illness is to speak my truth.
I know my default is to expect people to just 'know' what I need, am thinking, or boundaries I have. But I have to remember that this is just not the case. Unless we actually ask for what we need, unless we speak our truth we cannot expect others to show up and understand what our requirements are.
When I talk about speaking our truth in class, we can easily think of this as finally putting our brave pants on and having a frank conversation with our boss, or someone in our life that we've been biting our tongue when around, and yes, this is very much part of speaking our truth, these occasions are quite rare. It's the daily interactions that we nee
d to focus our minds on, the conversations with loved ones, the expectations we have of partners or family members or friends.
If we sit down and honestly think about how we communicate with these people do we actually speak our truth or do we expect them to read our minds? Speaking our truth is things like asking for help, stating what we need in that moment, and setting boundaries around our own time and energy in relationships.
As women, we are notoriously bad at asking for help, and when help is offered we are even worse at accepting it. But let's stick to the asking, the problem is, especially now more than ever, we need help to get through the day, we cannot and should not do it all!
But again, lets look honestly and ask, are we actually, clearly asking for the help we so desperately want?
We don't need to shout, or stamp our feet, sometimes a conversation from love can make the biggest changes. And as our lives have changed our needs and requirements of others have also changed, if its friends do you need them to give you a call every now and then rather than feeling like it's always you reaching out, how can you honour this need and speak your truth? If it's a loved one taking the kids for a walk so you can have a bath, can you ask for it, rather than getting annoyed that it's never offered?
One thing I learnt as a riding instructor was that if my student wasn't understanding what I was trying to get them to do, it wasn't there fault, it was up to me to find another way to explain it. So if you do feel like you are speaking your truth and doing all the above, but you're also feeling like it's not being heard, maybe we need to find another way of voicing it.
I know some of you will be saying, well I shouldn't have to ask, it's bloody obvious, or I wouldn't need to be asked! But I guarantee there have been times where someone has needed something from you but you have missed it, I know I spend a lot of time worrying about how I can help my loved ones but because they won't tell me what they really need, when they say no I'm fine but deep down they are fuming, I can't give them what they require, if only they'd just say!
But I also know that I have been that person too, desperately wanting someone to 'show up' for me but not ever really putting it into words, and when they do ask sharply saying 'i'm fie, I can do it' with an undertone of...you should know! What I do know is this isn't me speaking my truth, this isn't me showing up for myself, this isn't me communication my needs, this is me expecting someone to mind read.
So in these times where we need more help than ever, more support than ever, more understanding than ever, can you honestly say you're speaking your truth and voicing these needs?