Reflecting on my weekend and thinking what deep soul nourishment I had and why, I realised that I’ve never been a how’s the weather kinda girl, I actually have no clue how to “small talk”, I’ve always been a jump straight into it and talk about your period with me or how our past effects our now, kinda talk . This has left me in the past, especially as a kid being seen as weird and still now in some circles I’m the odd one that wants to talk about the organi cup rather than the gossip of the girl next door. Deep conversations are the things that top me up, they nourish every cell in my being, especially if both sides bring some juicy shit to the table. Truthful honest and no barriers, equals a delish time in my book. I’ve sat around in groups of people before feeling like I’ve had to monitor how deep and how honest I went, knowing that others are holding back, that’s when I find communication exhausting, watching my every word and feeling like I have to protect myself because I know they’ll twist and turn into the hot gossip of the week, means is just painful. I come away from those groups feeling depleted, exhausted, rung out and feeling like the weird one again, I used to tell myself it’s because I like people watching but now I actually realise it’s because I have nothing to add to this conversation on make up, I’m shit with banter, banter to me brushes over the real and is a glossy overcoat placed over what’s truely happening making people feel like they're on the same wavelength but what they're actually doing is avoiding the realness of the communication.
Gossip is the same to me, gossip is a way of diverting the gaze away from yourself and throwing people to somewhere else, its a great form of defence if you don't want to talk about yourself or you want to keep distance between you and the person your talking with as it does normally work, humans LOVE to gossip! But again its just another way of missing an opportunity to fully and deeply connect.
We're all so worried about what others think now in our lives that these beautiful nourishing truthful and holy fuck conversations don't happen and then we feel alone, on the edge of reality and empty.
What I've found is the more honest and open I've become (which at the start was fucking scary) the more I find soul sisters connecting with me at a deeper level, sometimes a long held hug with a deep breath and a "you can fucking do this" is a deep and strong connection and at other times its "sitting in front of each other naked with our boobs out" (in an emotional nudity way rather than actual) kind of conversations, and from this what I've realised is this MAKES MY SOUL SING.
When you get in that kind of conversation time flies, and you feel alive with intense emotions that others feel too, its just a deeply moving a connecting thing.
So this week why not seek out some deep communication nourishment, leave the "hows the weather" vibe at the door and jump in with “so what the real fuck is going on in your life” and see what actually is said and how it makes you feel afterwards.
Some things to be aware of in these deep conversations to help people come back for more, share don't dump, own your story be true real and honest but don't expect others to "fix" you or hand over your emotional baggage to them to carry, like wise as the receiver, feel the energy, recognise it but don't wear it, this is where it becomes exhausting. Everyone has their own part to play in deep and meaningful and no one is there to be the pack horse leaving at the end of the conversation with everyone else's luggage too. And finally if you find yourself in a situation with people you thought of as friends and can't be true, deep and oh so real, then you have to ask yourself......are they really your friends?